The inner warrior

Until three years ago, my life functioned based on a mundane, worldly calendar. Agenda filled with meetings, tasks, responsibilities and social gatherings. Motivated by my goal to be a great therapist, I included lots of space for inner growth. But I did miss the essential - to contemplate the real shifts, to observe life beyond what I thought life is. I was delusive in my own belief that I am in control. Once the outer security melted (due to my own unconscious decision), I began to know who was that real 'I' in control. Three years later, finding myself on the path of consciously living, I get to be closer to my inner warrior. That part of the psyche that I strongly associate with the Scorpio energy.

Nowadays, my life is organically structured around the solar and lunar shifts. With every season, whether is a ripe, full moon or the movement of the planets in a different zodiacal sign, life teaches me through its subtle messages. In the past couple of weeks, clients, situations, friendships, or random happenings have spoken about the intense and dramatic emotional realm. In astrological dialect, this is Scorpio, the land of inner transformation. With the Sun shining light on our deep, anchored feelings and their subterranean, unconscious force and with the Moon approaching its seeding phase in Scorpio, our collective consciousness is drawn towards healing. A powerful word, healing is often misunderstood. Some resonate more with the piscean quality of forgiveness and project a 'love it all' definition of healing. Some rationalize it to the extreme, remaining stuck in a functional approach that only deepens the wound. And beyond labels, and medicine and rituals, healing ultimately requires inner, quiet and slow integration. When in Scorpio territory, we are closer to the shadow self. We have the power to take a leap of consciousness. To transform the scorpio into the eagle.

Let us be more specific and dive on Scorpio land. Think about anger. The one that you know viscerally. It may be your own, your mother's or your partner's. You know its outward expression, how destructive and also how healthy it can be. And now move further to the shadow of anger - resentment. While anger is expressed outwardly with speed and it usually offers release; resentment hides the power of repression and compression. Resentment is the long-buried anger, an energy that was kept for months or years, that has boiled beneath the surface. While in Scorpio, we face an unexpected confrontation with these strange emotions that we may think we have resolved in the past or that were even nonexistent within us. We have the opportunity to see and make room for uncomfortable feelings. Scorpio is much like therapy. You start therapy thinking you will feel better and you end up leaving with a deeper and paradoxical understanding of yourself. Shedding the mask and uncovering the secrets we keep from ourselves, is the Scorpio gift. Painful indeed, but the outcome is no less than the release of our inner warrior. Transformation and healing truly come as a result of a deeper experiential understanding of our turbulent emotions.

In the basement of our psyche, the inner warrior fights himself. No, acceptance and forgiveness don't happen just like that. There is a fight, in acknowledging the shadow. It requires to investigate ourselves in an open and honest way, by mining and probing into the true source of the feeling underlying the psychological state we are in. An example - I am angry, I see that my anger is a burst of energy coming from a deep-seated feeling of resentment and self-hate, that served the purpose of protecting my vulnerable self. The hardest part is living with yourself knowing about this shadow self. And then, with every day of becoming more conscious, the inner warrior grows into mastering the shadow. The dragons will never stop spilling fire. It's in their nature. Anger, fear, jealousy, envy, darkness...these will not disappear or dissolve. They are ingredients of being human. But the inner warrior will learn to live in the vulnerable state, knowing that he has a choice. And a lot of power is contained in the knowing, in the awareness of choice.

Healing, as seen in true scorpio manner is the integration of polarities. Is owning the shadow, because we cannot integrate what remains unconscious. It's about holding for a time both extremes, observing the anger that hides the essential authentic feelings of fear, hurt and vulnerability, that have previously not been acknowledged. And this is healing, moving from the space of self-rejection to a more inclusive vibration of self-acceptance and integration. Dreams and illusions about ourselves will collapse, life will shift and the feeling of angst will accompany us while we travel the scorpio land. But we will emerge whole, not in pieces. We will shine from the deep, core truth of our psyche...not from a fake constructed image of who we think we should be.

If you feel called to go inward and heal what is preventing you from living authentically, do it know. I am here, offering counselling to those that resonate with my energy. Combining depth inner work with a practical outcome, I can be your partner in the process of uncovering your inner warrior. Contact me @alinapostolmihaela@gmail.com for more information or check out my services.

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